15 Lies you believe about relationships that are hurting your ability to achieve great things.
The beliefs that once guided culture now limit it.
Most people don’t struggle because they lack awareness about relationships and culture. They struggle because they’re operating from beliefs that used to sound right — but science has since proven wrong. Over the last two decades, neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral research have reshaped what actually builds trust, belonging, motivation, and performance. The world changed. The workforce changed. It’s time our assumptions about people change too.
Treat people how YOU want to be treated
Fairness = sameness, right?
Treat people how THEY want to be treated
Personalization beats projection in trust and motivation.
Trait: Empathetic
Source: Gallup — Harter & Adkins
gallup.com
Micro-action: Ask one teammate: “How do you prefer recognition?” Capture it.
Time heals all wounds
Silence fixes things.
Repair heals — not time
Trust returns through timely, direct repair.
Trait: Integrity
Source: The Gottman Institute — “R is for Repair”
gottman.com
Micro-action: Send a 2-line repair: “I’m sorry for ___. Next time I will ___.”
Strong people don’t need support
Independence = strength.
Strong people seek support
Connection fuels resilience and results.
Trait: Engaged
Source: Psychology Today — Ryan C. Warner
psychologytoday.com
Micro-action: Ask a colleague for input on one current challenge.
Avoid conflict to keep the peace
Silence > discomfort.
Avoidance erodes trust
Respectful friction prevents bigger problems later.
Trait: Unafraid
Source: The Couples Institute — Ellyn Bader
couplesinstitute.com
Micro-action: Reopen one small loop: “Can we align on X for 10 minutes today?”
Burnout comes from long hours
Work less = solve burnout.
Burnout = mismatch (meaning, control, fairness)
Context, not just time, drives exhaustion.
Trait: Integrity
Source: Maslach & Leiter — World Psychiatry
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Micro-action: Ask your team: “What feels unfair or unclear?” Commit to one fix.
Emotions don’t belong at work
“Leave feelings at the door.”
Emotional culture drives performance
Name it — or it runs the room anyway.
Trait: Nice
Source: Barsade & O’Neill — HBR
hbr.org
Micro-action: Start your next meeting with a 1-word check-in (“energy right now?”).
Listening means staying quiet
Nod, wait, talk.
Listening = attention + validation
Questions and reflecting build trust.
Trait: Engaged
Source: Zenger & Folkman — HBR
hbr.org
Micro-action: In your next 1:1, ask two follow-ups before offering advice.
People quit companies
“It’s just business.”
People quit managers & culture
Relationships determine retention.
Trait: Non-Judgmental
Source: Gallup — Harter & Adkins
gallup.com
Micro-action: Ask each direct: “What’s one thing I could do to make work easier?”
Trust takes years to build
Only time makes trust.
Trust builds in small moments
Tiny, consistent signals compound quickly.
Trait: Integrity
Source: Brené Brown — “Anatomy of Trust”
neil.blog
Micro-action: Do one “small marble” today: a quick follow-through you promised.
Vulnerability is weakness
Stay guarded to stay strong.
Vulnerability earns trust
Appropriate openness raises credibility.
Trait: Unafraid
Source: Horton International (summary of Binghamton research)
hortoninternational.com
Micro-action: Share one learning from a recent mistake + what you changed.
People don’t change
“It’s just who they are.”
Environment shapes behavior
Systems drive change more than slogans do.
Trait: Integrity
Source: Marshall Goldsmith — Chief Learning Officer
chieflearningofficer.com
Micro-action: Change one cue: move an important task into your first 90 minutes.
Boundaries push people away
Saying “no” ruins relationships.
Boundaries protect connection
Clarity sustains respect and trust.
Trait: Non-Judgmental
Source: Mayo Clinic Health System — Boundaries
mayoclinichealthsystem.org
Micro-action: Draft one polite boundary script you can use this week.
Feedback always helps
Truth hurts, but helps.
Delivery & safety determine impact
Future-focused, safe feedback improves change.
Trait: Nice
Source: Gnepp et al. (2020) — PLOS ONE
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Micro-action: Start feedback with: “For next time, one thing that will help is…”
Relationships are soft skills
Nice extras, not business drivers.
Relationships are leading indicators
Friendships at work predict engagement & retention.
Trait: Generous
Source: Gallup — Patel & Plowman
gallup.com
Micro-action: Invite one colleague you rarely talk with for a 15-minute coffee walk.
We see reality clearly
Facts = facts.
Perception is filtered
Bias and prediction shape what we “see.”
Trait: Engaged
Source: Anil Seth — TED Talk
ted.com
Micro-action: Before a tough meeting, note 2 assumptions + 1 plausible alternative.